You know, I recently said that I will leave Micro.blog. The background was that I don’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore. I don’t want to impose my dark thoughts on anyone. I felt that everyone has their own demons to deal with and therefore don’t want to hear anything else.
The long thread that has resulted is incredible. The encouragement is incredible, your responses are incredible, you guys are incredible.
@antonzuiker wrote this, among other things:
I don’t know what lead to this thread but I can tell you I’ve been struggling the past months and though I have been silent here the strength of the Micro.blog community, and your own example of vulnerability and openness to connection, have given me hope. Thank you.
I hope it’s okay that I quote it like that.
The last words, showing a little bit how vulnerable you are and admitting it openly, that struck a nerve with me.
For as long as I can remember I have done nothing but suppress feelings. To protect others, to fight alone.
But I had to learn some time ago that I can’t do that anymore. I have long since lacked the strength to do so.
I had already said that once. My dad did that all his life. And in his darkest hours, when he was battling cancer, he did that too. There were only very small moments when he admitted how hard it was. But in fact, he never really let on.
I’m not like him. Maybe a little bit in some ways. And I protect people. But I can’t do that by suppressing my feelings. Not anymore.
I’m not who I pretend to be and I need to be much more open in the future. That doesn’t mean I’m going to write everything down on the internet. Rather, it’s something I need to do for myself.